The line of suitors at my door step these days is a mile long. It truly reminds me of high school.

Oh, wait…that was someone else. Sorry about that. I’ve forgotten a few of the details about high school. Fortunately most of them are no longer important. Except when I’m trying to help my second grader with her homework. In an effort to improve education, they now do trigonometry in second grade.

Okay, not really. And even if they did, I never took Trig, so I couldn’t help anyway.

Right. Back on topic…the thing is – these suitors aren’t looking for a date. They are companies with which I have conducted some sort of transaction and are now looking for a “relationship” with me. Occasionally I call certain companies with an issue or a complaint – admittedly I’ve never called a company to say “Great job! Keep it up.” An added bonus is that it sometimes gives me content for this blog. Other than an occasional phone call, however, for the most part these companies mail me a bill, I pay it, and that’s the extent of our interaction until the next billing cycle.

My colleague, Susan Menke, recently did a webinar where she said that the qualities people look for in people are the same they look for in companies. She concludes that people are thus looking for relationships with their banks.

I disagree. I don’t normally disagree with her. She’s really SMART. And she has a PhD, so you might believe her over me. But just listen to me for a minute. If nothing else, I might make you laugh. Hopefully though, you’ll see my point.

To a large degree, it’s a matter of semantics. (Susan and I do agree on this, so we’re not really that far apart on the subject.) I know I’m being nitpicky when I say that I have relationships with people, not companies. We often use the same words in our personal and professional lives, but give them slightly different meanings. I get it.

But how can my bank claim to have a “relationship” with me when they never call or email me? And if I call them, I have to press at least 48 buttons to get to a live person. It takes 7 minutes and 32 seconds to get to that person. And when I log on to online banking there’s not even a “Welcome Back Susan!” When I log onto Amazon, they respond with “Hello Susan Wolfe! We have recommendations for you.” I feel like they know me better than my bank.

When it comes to my bank, however, I really feel like nothing more than a series of account numbers. When did this start to constitute a relationship? I don’t even have an account manager who appears to be looking out for me. In case you’ve forgotten, I have two checking accounts, three savings accounts, two credit cards, a jumbo mortgage and a home equity line of credit with my bank. There are not many other products left to buy. Shouldn’t someone check in with me to make sure I’m happy?

This is starting to sound like a rant against my bank. It’s not meant to be. I like my bank. It does what it’s supposed to. I’m happy not being on a first name basis with a teller and having to provide an update about my kids. And to be fair, while writing this blog post, they’ve emailed me three times. Seriously. Maybe they really are trying.

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